Why your managers are exhausted (and how to stop the cycle)

It's 2 p.m. on a Thursday. Your manager walks into a team meeting to deliver news about budget cuts. They paste on a brave face while their team peppers them with questions. By Friday morning, they're running on fumes—forcing smiles, hiding frustration and starting the whole thing over again.

This goes beyond a bad week. Researchers call it "surface acting," and new research shows it creates a vicious cycle where low energy leads to faking emotions, which drains energy further, making authentic engagement harder and harder.

The problem? Your managers are stuck in a loop that most leadership training completely ignores.

What “surface acting” actually is

Surface acting happens when leaders mask their true emotions to meet workplace demands—faking enthusiasm when they're drained, projecting confidence when they're uncertain. It's the professional equivalent of "fake it 'til you make it," except the faking never stops and the making never happens.

The alternative? Deep acting. Deep acting involves authentically reshaping emotional responses rather than just faking them, and it fosters both connection and resilience.

Here's what that looks like in practice:

Surface acting: Your manager walks into a meeting exhausted, plasters on a smile, and delivers a half-hearted pep talk about a policy they don't believe in. The team feels the disconnect. Everyone leaves more drained than before.

Deep acting: Your manager takes five minutes before the meeting to reset. They walk in and say, "Look, I'm exhausted. This quarter has been rough, and I know you're feeling it too. Let's talk honestly about what we're facing and figure this out together."

One approach fakes connection. The other builds it.

Why this matters for L&D

Most manager training teaches what to do—deliver feedback, run meetings, set goals. Almost none of it teaches managers how to show up when they're depleted, uncertain or dealing with emotional whiplash from back-to-back difficult conversations.

When energy is low, leaders default to faking enthusiasm, which drains them further. This creates a spiral: exhaustion leads to surface acting, surface acting leads to more exhaustion, and suddenly your managers are in survival mode instead of leadership mode.

The data on manager impact is clear. Bad management drives turnover, kills engagement and tanks performance. But we rarely address the emotional labor that makes management so exhausting in the first place.

What helps managers break the cycle

The good news? Recovery strategies like low-effort relaxation and micro-breaks help leaders recharge and reconnect. This isn't about adding more to your managers' plates. It's about giving them permission and tools to manage their energy differently.

Here's what actually moves the needle:

Build awareness before burnout 

Train managers to recognize when they're slipping into surface acting. The cues are there: forcing enthusiasm they don't feel, dreading interactions with their team, going through the motions of emotional support without actually connecting. Self-awareness is the first step to changing the pattern.

Practice emotional regulation in real scenarios 

Managers need to rehearse difficult moments before they're in them. What do you say when you're delivering news you don't agree with? How do you show up for your team when you're barely holding it together yourself? Role-playing these situations—ideally with real-time feedback—helps managers develop responses that feel authentic rather than performative.

Normalize recovery as part of the job 

The five-minute reset before a hard conversation isn't optional—it's how managers sustain performance over time. Train managers to build in micro-breaks, to name their emotional state instead of hiding it, and to model the kind of honesty that makes their teams feel safe doing the same.

Connect the dots to team performance 

Managers need to understand that surface acting exhausts them and erodes team trust. When emotional labor becomes chronic, it leads to disconnection from others and from yourself. Help managers see how their energy management directly impacts team engagement, psychological safety and performance.

Training that addresses the real problem

The managers who need this training most won't ask for it. They're too busy faking their way through the day, convinced that "holding it together" is the same as "holding it well."

That's why this can't be optional professional development. This needs to be built into how you develop managers from day one.

Look at your current manager training. Does it address what happens when energy is low? Does it give managers language for navigating emotional exhaustion? Does it normalize the reality that leadership involves managing not just tasks, but the emotional labor of showing up for people when you're depleted?

If the answer is no, you're training managers for ideal conditions that don't exist.

What this looks like in practice

Effective training on emotional labor simplifies what managers are already doing badly. It gives them a framework instead of adding complexity.

Start with the basics: What's happening in your body when you're about to surface act? What does it feel like right before you paste on fake enthusiasm? Help managers notice the pattern before it controls them.

Then move to skill-building: How do you reset in five minutes? What language do you use when you need to be honest about your energy without dumping it on your team? How do you deliver difficult news when you're barely keeping it together?

Finally, make it ongoing. This isn't a one-time workshop. Managers need regular opportunities to practice, get feedback and course-correct when they slip back into old patterns.

Stop training managers to fake it

By investing in emotional awareness and restoration, leaders can break the spiral, sustain performance and lead with authenticity—even during tough conversations and high-pressure days.

Your managers are exhausted. They're faking it through meetings, disconnecting from their teams and burning out in slow motion. You can fix that, but only if you address the actual problem: the emotional labor of leadership and the lack of training to manage it.

Stop training managers to fake it. Start training them to be real.

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